ThatFeeling pt.2

But as soon as you thought you knew.
You'd have no idea.
Until you follow your gut.
You'll find out for real.
If its real.
It might be. 
But with secrets.
Words untold to you with no real meaning.
When you learn.
It'll kill a piece inside.
But at the end it's your choice to decide.  
You may speak.
You may act.
You may just watch.
But whatever you do keep calm. 
Sanity is key.
Unless that was all you had.
If its all you have. 
You don't have much.
But for this one there's more.
There's more to the story.
There's more eyes watching.
More hearts crying. 
But at least your not broken.
At least your strong. 
If you've stayed once. 
You could forget. 
And do it again. 
But until then. 
The best is wished upon you.
Whatever you and life decide to do.

ThatFeeling

At first  it feels good.
Then it feels great.
Next thing you know it's all you can think about.
Every day if not every other you'd like to see.
Thing is its the company.
Maybe the words. 
Or just the entertainment.
Words of nothing.
Sayings of everything.
Some may last longer.
Many simply go away.
But it's the one that stays.
The one that stays.
You won't know till you feel like its just about over.
The one that stays.
How important.
Or critical this company is.
No longer is it an entertainment.
Because the one that stays..
Is the one you may need.
The one you may love.
This may be the one..
The one you'll learn to accept.
Simply because this is the one.
Next thing you know..
It's all about the one.
It should be about the two.
Though in this case you may only see the one.

Time

All this in so many hours
So many days 
Not so many minutes
Yu know they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Then why does it feel like I'm dead
Why does it feel like its me vs the world
Who have I become
In so many days 
These eyes have seen so many tears
In so much time
So much of me 
Or what I thought was me 
Has been waisted 
And there's a light at the end of most tunnels
Sometimes the grass is greener 
But from this stand point I can't see the light
Nd I'm not tall enough to see the grass
Right now I don't fell strong enough to continue on
I'm broken all the way down
So far 
If you knew me 
You would've never known
How hard I cry when I'm all alone
There's no one here
I get to scream
And make weird noises 
Just me and my Pom 
He sleeps under my feet
As I cry nd whine nd scream.
 

Tears

Eyes full of tears thoughts are a process like anything else Eyes full of tears even those who love me can see the change Eyes full of tears sometimes my father who knows me best has to ask again With my eyes full of tears I wonder if love is an emotion, process, or none of the above Eyes full of tears no matter which way the wind blows I can't win for each & every lost Eyes full of tears I fear in an instant what can happen all over, or never again With my eyes full of tears I keep those as memories from the end to the beginning With my eyes full of tears I ask myself once again ..

Sometimes it's like ..

Sometimes I feel like I'm needed

Sometimes more like a want

Most of the time like a waist of time

But at the end of the day this is where I am

Some sort of emotional ride

Sometimes I feel like this is where Im supposed to be

Other times not so much

I guess what's shared is what keeps it together ..

Cause if I know me like I know like I know me there would be no wondering

There would be no tears

There would be no wrong

Forgiveness would be more like an instant ..

But it's not .

Silly games would be played

But mind games would not ..

All life grows and I'm aware it takes time

It's not a process we can rush I know

Yet sometimes still I wonder

To be or not to be ..

Just a thought .

Naturally we think

And I could've sworn .. Well, I thought the thought I was thinking was it

It wasn't

Normally we guess before we know

When first questioned I wasn't sure

Then from the way it felt I knew

Thing is when you react from within

One plus one doesn't always come to two

But if something feels right but not at all should I speak ?

It's always my fault but how is communication skills amazing deep into social media .?

Just a question

Emotions may fade

& some , hopefully fully disappear

But this one won't let me pull away .

It won't let me go .

&& either way I'm just glad to have that in my life

In no way do I wish ill onto my happiness

Sometimes I just wonder

I just wonder what's going on there

&& that's natural

Yet with my role , I should be told or hinted to

Remember I sleep here too

The two shouldn't have to wonder

The two equal one

Experiance

When you begin to think about

"the love of your life"

You only see perfection

It's not until down the road

You see the different sides

Roller coaster fine yes I do admit

But it's worth it right ?

I mean seriously we all want to feel something for some one . We all have to experience so much , and learn shit in one way or another .

Some lessons come easy

Some come with scrapes and bruises

And many will come with pain and tears .

We all have our soft spots and we all have those people who know how to hit them just right , just enough to make you want to explode && crawl in a corner and hope you can just disappear .

How ever you deal with it you learn .

You experience . You grow . You change .

But at the end of the day is it worth it?

-I sure as hell hope so

LifeLessonsLearned

Fav. says life is a bitch ..

i believe its just been misunderstood .

all eyes have different views

&& each pair unique ..

its not rare to mistake or contradict..

in the same breath to understand is to know

if your thoughts never make it to those u feel did you ill

your heart will never be cleared of all the self inflicting scars

because all things are not easy to say doesn't mean they shouldn't be said

theres a way to say and do as you please, think first

choose wisely. everything isn't fair

but understanding is never possible without explanation

in some form or fashion

understanding is vital .. so is expression.

not expression in its self

expression in the correct direction

expression + explanation = understanding

Yea i agree with Fav. life is a bitch

but once you understand .

theres no reason to call names

Sayang

from the outside looking in you might say the same

from that sex to this .

not much changes , but when its you ..

the story just might .

whether its real or not.

but the risk of it even approaching

seems to be unreal

but how do you adapt to this new life

though adaptation you may not need

if its real you’ll know

but, be warned ..

not all things come naturally

this is not a lifestyle

but yet, its your identification

with identification comes patience

and risk taking with yourself

yourself, and whom ever you choose

be careful .. not all things come equally

you need u before you have us

anything is possible, trust its real ..

without you theres no us..

without us, theres no need for trust

lack of trust, leads to lust

what your identification once was..

like our skin tone in the sun, may change

or even begin to glow .

when its real you’ll know..

lust is to easy to let go .

Soft as a flower , Harder than a bullet (LL3)

Soft as a flower , harder than a bullet

Delicate , yet dangerous .

Beautiful , & possibly fatal

especially to any being who

expected never to be.

Soft as a flower , harder than a bullet

Amazing, admirable

Fine , genuine

in your hands i rest my heart

all given to me, its something ;

something i never expected it to be

Delicate , yet dangerous

Marvelous , deadly

some kind of tempest of beauty

excellence , toe to toe with the devil himself

think nothing of it and walk away smiling

Don’t compare the flower to the bullet,

the beauty to the danger. Never expect,

continue to live, be prosperous.

Be the bullet in which the flower came,

don’t compare the flower to the bullet .

LoveLetters pt2

When did they decide to call this feeling love?

For some it hurts and sometimes its not love at all ..

In his eyes, lust and when he’s done she’s gone ..

Or, vise-versa. So now I ask really, what is love?

I remember saying “i love you” ..

And i meant absolutely nothing by it.

I still couldn't give you his last name if asked to ..

I didn't love you .

The man in my life now, how could I ever forget?

He reminds me so much of my father.

He loves me for me, never a fake face..

“Makeup babe?”

“You don’t need it”

He’s patient, kind,

And all I can seem to ever think about..

Thing is he’s there and im here

The closest I get to him from here is hearing his voice

I knew to call it love when I found myself no longer looking for “entertainment”, but his next call/text .

Its never the same as him being next to me

But I guess the grass is greener on the other side .

LoveLetters

Every now and then it gets to me

&& still i haven’t figured out why

Yet with that phrase my mind begins to wonder .

These thoughts Im thinking

Advise me to continue on.. my heart says no,

My mind says go ..

But why ?

Maybe from what you used to be, and still i dont understand

That was way before me

I cant help it if im in love with you and still cant even explain to myself why..

If i could i would put me in the hot seat ..

It just makes no sense

All i ask is you love me for who i am unconditionally

-please dont make me question my already indecisive self .

love [In] time

I was just looking back at my past and I just laughed ..

As all the while you were the only one I felt I could ever ..

Then , it was about a month before September ..

I thought I was just helping , had no idea until a week later ..

We talk all the time until I got that line

“___ were the only one who truly _______”

I’d fill in the blank but it no longer matters ..

When I read it on Facebook for a second I thought I was being stalked

We ended up out of words , yours against mine

Someone was always mad , but we continued on ..

The deeper asked without words ..

Our conversations continued on ..

Because of time you get your respect

I know you like the back of my hand

But , it maybe time that your erased ..

Im happy , never wondering or second guessing

I hear no other excuses

I see no other reason why ..

I’ve been over this with my heart &&

I’ve been over this in my mind ..

Im sure this is it ..

Im sure this time .

<3

Avent

I feel like if you don't really think of anyone else from your past or those people who try’nd “holla” on the street , the main thing on your mind is him or her and what you can do to help y'all both .. thinking of a future together and relaying slick messages from parents and my daddy wanna meet ‘im ?

I think it might be somethin’ serious like I’ve been “in love” yes, but for some reason this time its different .. maybe its because we deal with the distance , and when we’re together the fact that we know how it truly feels to miss the other .. does it make it that much better? Maybe .

I hope the woman that matters most can see it .. maybe she wont .. i don't speak much .. and my emotions are no play toys .. i mean you either see it or you don't .. and never assume ..

[ that makes an ass of me and you . ]

But , this is just a vent ..

-take it serious or don't, who am I to tell you what you see ?

Statement .

I'm home now

sittn still for a while

i wanna turn back to the swimming pools and swings at night

but, until then ill send those text that say

GoodMorning .. GoodNight

and every day i awake i think of you

then I'm right back on my life and how the pieces go together

everyday,

questions like what imma eat next

from the outside lookin in you’d say I'm “doin it big”

but .. from those nosebleed seats

you honestly couldn't tell exactly what i was doin ..

correct .?

and if you could see why is everybody still asking questions regarding me ?

did you not just see it ?

you miss that part?

but wait .. the plot thickens

if you didn't see the movie how do you answer questions?

think about it :)

Soliloquy

He aint mine so do i trip?
He aint mine therefor i dont have the right..
He aint mine so what do i do?
He aint mine so it really dont matter..
He aint mine and i aint his so can i do what i please?
He aint mine so i guess im free to do me..
He aint mine so why get mad?
He aint mine so he wont either..
Right.?
He aint mine but asks questions like he is.
He aint mine but i care.
I aint his but he says he does
I aint his but we talk more than me and most of my guy friends
I aint his but he says.. _ _ _
He aint mine and i do the same..

-So now that we have this understanding im not his and hes not mine but we care for eachother..
are we just friends?
are we more?
i guess you can say we use to be..
but clearly not anymore..
so, how am i posta feel?
ive felt this way before ..
and i had to wait, and wait , and now..
hes no longer in my life.. in that way n e more
still care hes homeboy n that wont change
we've gone our ways && thas just what it is

now back to he and i
will we only be friends?
should i ask?
should i already know?
do i look forward?
or do i look back,
walk away and say thanks for the ride..
i guess as of now just friends..
always && forever?
or just friends for forever?
&& not always,
maybe eventually more..
or less..
or none..?


-but im just venting-
&& ill stop here.

RaceCar

Red? But I prefer black

Inside leather, outside wet

In and out of lanes, real real fast

Waist not time, peddle to the metal

The sound alone, makes my body jerk

Around the track, and yet again

I inhale deep, as I feel myself lose my cool

Your always safe, and if you promise,

next time,

in your fast car,

I'd love to

RIDE

MidLife

As i sit and stare out of the window of this airplane

I reflect and think of all the ish happening now in my life

I mean it seems as if im going through a mid life at the age of 18

And I really don’t know what n e of this means

But hopefully I learn more than many things

Can’t wait to see what my future life brings

But for now ill use my past for the ability to see all things

I can get all the help in the world if only I open my eyes , my mind , and my mouth

My eyes to see

My mind to think and believe, and

My mouth to speak into existence all these things

As for those not able to feel me

Just hear me out , all this is ; is my mind speaking for my mouth

I love the person I am and for the most part the life I live

Yet, there is always grass greener and there is always the skys clearer

But there is never another life like the one I lead nor is there another person like me.

LeftRight .

something i just don’t understand, why does ish always go left.. instead of right

left.. wrong turn i shouldve turned

right..

left.. is the way i turned my head and it was love at first sight.. i shouldve looked

right..

left.. me is what you did and i listened to you, when i knew she was

right..

left.. is what i shouldve done with him buh he was

right..

left.. is the way ish turns when it should be

right..

left.. is the way we turn when we dont wanna hear whats

right..

left..

right...

right..

left..

either way we turn ..

no matter what mistakes we make..

at the end of the day..

believe it or not ..

it was supposed to be this way

<3>

TheTwo

About the two you’d be confused

The word friend is what is used

But the feelings felt & choices made

You’d never guess at the end of the day

Quotes and sayings being exchanged

“I'm glad somewhere someone truly cares”

&& “I don’t know but we shall see I know I’m not gonna want to leave”

About the two you’d be confused

But its a long story and part of it I don’t mind telling you

‘She’ came, ‘she’ saw, and ‘she’ conquered

Only being that he wasn’t able to talk to ‘her’

And at the end of the day lets just say ‘she’ gets what ‘she’ deserves

Yet the type of pain ‘she’ created will continue to live forever on

&& In her mind she’s conquered all

Yet in the end we all know who won

Simply because karma is cold

&& from that point on the two together simply throw two middle fingers up

Which simply equals four times over ..

Monday, Nov. 15,2010

TheTwo

No.1

J