LoveLetters pt2

When did they decide to call this feeling love?

For some it hurts and sometimes its not love at all ..

In his eyes, lust and when he’s done she’s gone ..

Or, vise-versa. So now I ask really, what is love?

I remember saying “i love you” ..

And i meant absolutely nothing by it.

I still couldn't give you his last name if asked to ..

I didn't love you .

The man in my life now, how could I ever forget?

He reminds me so much of my father.

He loves me for me, never a fake face..

“Makeup babe?”

“You don’t need it”

He’s patient, kind,

And all I can seem to ever think about..

Thing is he’s there and im here

The closest I get to him from here is hearing his voice

I knew to call it love when I found myself no longer looking for “entertainment”, but his next call/text .

Its never the same as him being next to me

But I guess the grass is greener on the other side .

LoveLetters

Every now and then it gets to me

&& still i haven’t figured out why

Yet with that phrase my mind begins to wonder .

These thoughts Im thinking

Advise me to continue on.. my heart says no,

My mind says go ..

But why ?

Maybe from what you used to be, and still i dont understand

That was way before me

I cant help it if im in love with you and still cant even explain to myself why..

If i could i would put me in the hot seat ..

It just makes no sense

All i ask is you love me for who i am unconditionally

-please dont make me question my already indecisive self .

love [In] time

I was just looking back at my past and I just laughed ..

As all the while you were the only one I felt I could ever ..

Then , it was about a month before September ..

I thought I was just helping , had no idea until a week later ..

We talk all the time until I got that line

“___ were the only one who truly _______”

I’d fill in the blank but it no longer matters ..

When I read it on Facebook for a second I thought I was being stalked

We ended up out of words , yours against mine

Someone was always mad , but we continued on ..

The deeper asked without words ..

Our conversations continued on ..

Because of time you get your respect

I know you like the back of my hand

But , it maybe time that your erased ..

Im happy , never wondering or second guessing

I hear no other excuses

I see no other reason why ..

I’ve been over this with my heart &&

I’ve been over this in my mind ..

Im sure this is it ..

Im sure this time .

<3

Avent

I feel like if you don't really think of anyone else from your past or those people who try’nd “holla” on the street , the main thing on your mind is him or her and what you can do to help y'all both .. thinking of a future together and relaying slick messages from parents and my daddy wanna meet ‘im ?

I think it might be somethin’ serious like I’ve been “in love” yes, but for some reason this time its different .. maybe its because we deal with the distance , and when we’re together the fact that we know how it truly feels to miss the other .. does it make it that much better? Maybe .

I hope the woman that matters most can see it .. maybe she wont .. i don't speak much .. and my emotions are no play toys .. i mean you either see it or you don't .. and never assume ..

[ that makes an ass of me and you . ]

But , this is just a vent ..

-take it serious or don't, who am I to tell you what you see ?

Statement .

I'm home now

sittn still for a while

i wanna turn back to the swimming pools and swings at night

but, until then ill send those text that say

GoodMorning .. GoodNight

and every day i awake i think of you

then I'm right back on my life and how the pieces go together

everyday,

questions like what imma eat next

from the outside lookin in you’d say I'm “doin it big”

but .. from those nosebleed seats

you honestly couldn't tell exactly what i was doin ..

correct .?

and if you could see why is everybody still asking questions regarding me ?

did you not just see it ?

you miss that part?

but wait .. the plot thickens

if you didn't see the movie how do you answer questions?

think about it :)

Soliloquy

He aint mine so do i trip?
He aint mine therefor i dont have the right..
He aint mine so what do i do?
He aint mine so it really dont matter..
He aint mine and i aint his so can i do what i please?
He aint mine so i guess im free to do me..
He aint mine so why get mad?
He aint mine so he wont either..
Right.?
He aint mine but asks questions like he is.
He aint mine but i care.
I aint his but he says he does
I aint his but we talk more than me and most of my guy friends
I aint his but he says.. _ _ _
He aint mine and i do the same..

-So now that we have this understanding im not his and hes not mine but we care for eachother..
are we just friends?
are we more?
i guess you can say we use to be..
but clearly not anymore..
so, how am i posta feel?
ive felt this way before ..
and i had to wait, and wait , and now..
hes no longer in my life.. in that way n e more
still care hes homeboy n that wont change
we've gone our ways && thas just what it is

now back to he and i
will we only be friends?
should i ask?
should i already know?
do i look forward?
or do i look back,
walk away and say thanks for the ride..
i guess as of now just friends..
always && forever?
or just friends for forever?
&& not always,
maybe eventually more..
or less..
or none..?


-but im just venting-
&& ill stop here.

RaceCar

Red? But I prefer black

Inside leather, outside wet

In and out of lanes, real real fast

Waist not time, peddle to the metal

The sound alone, makes my body jerk

Around the track, and yet again

I inhale deep, as I feel myself lose my cool

Your always safe, and if you promise,

next time,

in your fast car,

I'd love to

RIDE

MidLife

As i sit and stare out of the window of this airplane

I reflect and think of all the ish happening now in my life

I mean it seems as if im going through a mid life at the age of 18

And I really don’t know what n e of this means

But hopefully I learn more than many things

Can’t wait to see what my future life brings

But for now ill use my past for the ability to see all things

I can get all the help in the world if only I open my eyes , my mind , and my mouth

My eyes to see

My mind to think and believe, and

My mouth to speak into existence all these things

As for those not able to feel me

Just hear me out , all this is ; is my mind speaking for my mouth

I love the person I am and for the most part the life I live

Yet, there is always grass greener and there is always the skys clearer

But there is never another life like the one I lead nor is there another person like me.

LeftRight .

something i just don’t understand, why does ish always go left.. instead of right

left.. wrong turn i shouldve turned

right..

left.. is the way i turned my head and it was love at first sight.. i shouldve looked

right..

left.. me is what you did and i listened to you, when i knew she was

right..

left.. is what i shouldve done with him buh he was

right..

left.. is the way ish turns when it should be

right..

left.. is the way we turn when we dont wanna hear whats

right..

left..

right...

right..

left..

either way we turn ..

no matter what mistakes we make..

at the end of the day..

believe it or not ..

it was supposed to be this way

<3>